Wednesday, June 07, 2006

I'm an ADULT?!?

Today, as usual, when I looked into the bathroom mirror, I was brought up short. There was this 30-something woman looking out at me instead of the gangly adolescent I feel inside. Who IS this woman? Is she the Mom that garners so much praise from my kids' teachers? Is she the recipient of the MA hanging on my office wall?

When I think about publishing, well, that's something that adults do. Kids, like me, just sit and write and it doesn't matter if it gets done or not. But then, kids like me don't have to support themselves, either.

The Outer Self appears sorta with it. I mean, she's raising kids, teaching College Composition, paying bills, and working on a novel. The Inner Self, however, isn't nearly as confident. She seizes any chance to take the day off. She doesn't believe that her work will ever sell. She wants to have somebody hold her and take care of her and do the laundry (and put it away, too). She doesn't want to feed the kids or get up on time to meet the school bus. She wants to sleep until noon and then putter around until suppertime, when food will magically appear on the table.

Did I mention that the Inner Self doesn't have a firm grasp on reality?

The truth is, I do spend a lot of time waiting for the laundry to do itself. The dishes pile up until I have to wash dishes to eat. The front room is cluttered, and I have yet to sort through the summer clothes so that the kids have something to wear to school. My Outer Self gets frustrated at the adolescent Inner Self who wants it all delivered to her on a silver platter. The Inner Self gets frustrated because the work isn't done.

Now, I've gotta go do some laundry.

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